My mom tells me that at five I told her i would never marry and never have kids. I meant it and kept true to myself until I feel crazy in love with C and got married. C wanted kids and because I loved him I agreed that with time we could have kids. It all went to hell and I divorced him so this is to the kids I never wanted, then loved and wanted then happy I didn’t have because I would still be tied to C. And now I’m back to never wanting kids.
I named you and loved you before I had you
You would go to private school, have a tutor and I would never hit you
You were twins, two boys
I would read you books every night and only feed you healthy foods
We would exercise as a family and you would have chores at home
You would not be circumcised but I would teach you how to take care of it so it wouldn’t smell
We would have two dogs and you two would share a bedroom then later have bedrooms of your own
But as we planned having you, he said that he would hit you, no private school and we were not on the same page on how we would raise you at all.
Looking at this man I loved I realized that I loved my babies more and I could not have them with this man
I cried as I said goodbye to you my babies but it’s because I love you so I can never have you.
Goodbye my babies, find the mother you deserve and be happy my babies.