To mistress or not to mistress

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to become a mistress (side chick, the other woman) to this very sexy man in his forties. When we began flirting, I did not know that he was married and after a week I asked and he said he was married. Immediately I told him I would stop flirting with him and he should set me up with one of his single friends. Conveniently, he said that he only has married friends and he asked if I would be interested in being his “friend”. Naively I thought he really meant platonic friendship but in the end I figured out he was offering me a mistress position.

I thought about it…….. and in the end I sent him a nice text saying I enjoyed meeting him and our conversation was wonderful but I’m better alone. Thank you and good bye. Then I proceeded to block his phone numbers on my phone and pray that he does not stop by my house.

Looking back, it was a compliment to be “nominated” but I’m okay. I’ll wait for a guy I can call my own but I’m not looking to marry him just want to date the hell out of him!!!! lol.




Dear future boyfriend

Dear future boyfriend,

I will be your biggest cheerleader – encouraging and emotionally supportive. I will always let you know that you are special to me.

Once we are in a committed, monogamous relationship my sexual desire for you will increase tenfold and I hope that you will satisfy me as I will you.  I will have us try new experiences together. I will be your number one protector. I will enjoy our time together and hopefully you will too. We will be happy together.

In return, I need you to know that the first several times I sleep over your place I will check the doors and windows to ensure they are closed. I will wake up several times throughout the night in a panic until I remember  where I am and who you are. Don’t ask questions just tell me it’s you, that I’m safe then hold me. I will not say anything but I will love you for that.

I will check your medicine cabinet,  car and closets for traces of another woman. This is because  I  promised myself never to be blindsided ever again. Don’t take this personally, just let me do my thing so I can get comfortable and begin to trust you.

During our first argument I will break up with you at least once, not because I don’t want you but because I would rather hurt a little now when I just like you instead of hurting a lot later when I have fallen deeply in love with you. Just reassure me that you are not going anywhere, bring me a present, let’s eat and talk about it.

Just be honest with me, if you lie about something it will come out later and then I will question everything you say.

I hope that you are strong enough to handle me, be patient with me and we will be great together.

Good luck my future boyfriend!

From your future girlfriend R.

In this bed

We made love in this bed,  you proposed in this bed, then you ignored me in this bed. I cried about you for months in this bed hanging onto the smell of you in this bed.

Then I woke up one day in this bed and I smiled, then laughed. I put on new sheets on this bed and I reclaimed this bed.

This is my bed! I sleep diagonally taking up as much space as possible. Wrapped in my sheets warm embrace  I am happy. This bed is worn but still standing. It’s comfortable and looks good with these new sheets.

This is my bed!

Unexpected penis

Today I was checking email as I got into the elevator at work. A guy attached a picture to the email and so I innocently clicked on the picture and on the full screen of my phone popped up unexpected penis! I quickly closed the page and hoped that my coworker, who was in the elevator with me, had not seen it. As i heard him say “is that………?” I realized that YES he had seen it!! And as we walked to our cars I had to defend myself – yes that was a penis picture that I did not ask for but was sent to me. I’m innocent, innocent I tell you!!!!

Lesson today is – unexpected penis pops up anywhere, be careful out in these streets!!

In the water

In the water I am free and graceful.                         I forget everything, focusing only on that moment as I float and swim.                                     On land I walk as quietly as a herd of elephants stomping through the forest headed for water In the water, I am a shark, speeding towards my prey, silently and quickly.                                      On land I hit myself on objects and trip occasionally.                                                                 In the water, I am graceful like a ballerina, I turn and flip with ease.                                           On land I am heavy and feel gravity’s hand whenever I do jumping jacks or push ups.         In the water, I leap off the diving board like a gazelle leaping happily across the Serengeti.      I slice through the water decisively with only one goal in mind, to reach the bottom as quickly as possible than back up.                         On land, I breathe heavily as I run trying to catch my breath. I am the slowest runner in my group, way behind the pack.                                      I hold my breath for as long as possible forcing my lungs to work more efficiently than usual.   My head breaks through the water and I take a quick gulp of fresh oxygen before once again disappearing into the world of water.                 On land I sit for hours working in front of a computer                                                                       In the water, I tread water in the deep end, occasionally moving my legs and arms but always keeping my head above the water.         Oh how I wish I could be a mermaid, able to stay under water forever.                                                     I need Ursula to grant my wish.                             In the water I am free and graceful.                       In the water is where I want to be.