Working on loving my body

I usually take an aqua class three times a week. During the walk from the women’s locker room to the showers and then the long walk from the showers to the pool, I always cover the lower half of my body with my towel and then once I get by the water I quickly remove my towel and get into the water fast. Today I realized that I am not comfortable with showing my body in a one piece bathing suit. I decided to walk from the locker room to the showers and then into the pool without covering my body.

As I walked past the mirrors, I actually looked at myself. My thighs are thick and rub together, I have a big butt. I looked at the mirror and said “F*** IT!” And I walked showing everything! It was very scary and I was not comfortable but I DID IT!!!!

I plan to walk without my towel at least once a week while heading to the water so that it helps me continue on my journey of learning to love myself.

To everyone out there, just love your body – no matter what you feel is “not perfect” on yourself – just love your body!

 

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I hate you dad but ………….

I grew up never really knowing you. You were that man who always beat me for the smallest infraction. So to me you were that monster I hated.

Now years later, I still don’t know and I still hate you.

The other day my father’s best friend told me that I have so many characteristics just like my father. I wanted to punch him in the face!

How dare you say I’m like that stranger, like that man whom I have hated for so long!

Days later, my dad liked my Facebook page for a web series I am working on and it felt good that he had liked the page and written a nice comment.

I suddenly became angry with myself as I realized that I wanted my dad’s approval.

I hate you dad but it seems I am not above wanting your acceptance

I hate you dad……………… but……………………… nope, still hate you!

Review of Portrait of a Serial Monogamist

I just watched the movie Portrait of a Serial Monogamist on Netflix.

First of all, if you are not okay with lesbians, do NOT watch this movie, I repeat, do NOT watch this movie.

The movie is about a woman who lives in Toranto, Canada and she has perfected the way to break up with someone without all the mess . In the movie, we watch as she uses her method on her current girlfriend of five years who lives with her.

I enjoyed the movie and I would definelty recommend it for someone looking for a movie focused on the “breaker” and not the “breakee”. It put things in prospective for me – since I am usually the party that gets broken up with, I now learned a few things and might just be the breaker in the future (and NO that is not what I was supposed to learn from the movie LOL!). ENJOY and let me know your thoughts!

Review of the Kia Soul

I recently had the opportunity to ride in the Kia Soul and I impressed by the car.

There was enough head room when I was sitting in the car, my head did not touch the roof. I did not have an issue getting in and out of the car – in terms of I did not feel like I was getting up from the floor. It was just as easy getting in and out of it as it is getting in and out of my SUV.

It was surprisingly roomy! And it had the backup camera, which is totally AWESOME!!!!

In the future I would definitely consider buying this car!

Here, under my third tree

“This is not a drill, evacuate the building” – a woman’s voice says over the loudspeaker. In case you did not believe it the first time, the woman repeats it again – “This is not a drill, evacuate the building”. We get up from our desks and calmly walk to the nearest staircase in an orderly fashion we make our way outside to our designated point of safety.

I walk to the third tree and sit under it, enjoying the breeze that makes me believe that it is cool out here. Under the shade of the third tree, I watch my coworkers conjugate and talk. I watch a fire truck pass by, horn blasting, lights on and it pulls into our parking lot.

I hear the fire bell screaming in the distance from the office building. I watch cars pass by, some slow down to look at us gathered on the lawn while others drive by without a look. An ambulance appears and goes towards the building but I lose sight of it as it disappears from my view. A police car comes then a second one. Two more fire trucks pull in as I silently watch and write from my seat under the third tree.

The American flag dances with the wind ever so graceful. I look up into my tree, noticing the abundance of green leaves and branches all working together to provide me with my shady spot. My back is supported by my tree’s trunk. I sit and watch. I watch and I sit as I write these words.

An impatient driver blows the horn to let the car in front of him know that he has places to go and people to see right now! I hear the murmur of my coworkers talking and once in a while I hear a cheerful laugh. I cannot make out their words from where I sit but I am comforted by the sound. A plane passes somewhere up there and I wonder where they are going, what is their final destination?

Sitting here under the shade of the third tree, I am content and grateful for this unexpected break in the day that has provided me with the opportunity to take this time and write.

I hope that all is well in the building.

 

Great conversation or penis?

Today I had an interesting conversation with a stranger. And at times during the convo I had the opportunity to practice my flirting – practice makes perfect after all.

Later on as I recounted some of the story to my friend, he made a comment along the lines of be easy, don’t jump on his penis.

I began to think…… and I realized that if I were to be presented with a good conversation or a penis – I will pick a good conversation.

And that’s when I found out that I’m old – LOL – I mean more evolved!! 🙂

Here is to many more great conversations!

Shopping for clothes

Today I went clothes shopping with my guy bestie. It was amazing! Men shopping is soooo different from what I do!

Bestie kept like stretching the sleeves of each shirt he was interested in. After seeing him do this a bunch of times I asked him what that was about. He explained that he was checking for the wrinkle factor – if it is too thin = it will wrinkle easier and need ironing which he does not want to do.

He put his arm into the arm of a shirt and decided he did not want it. He never tried on any clothes!!! And he was done with the store within like 20 minutes!!

I learned about the different types of men’s underwear – boxers, boxer briefs, etc. But I will never buy a dude underwear – as Jennifer Lopez says “I ain’t your mama” (one of her songs that am in love with!).

Let me tell you how I shop. First off, I have to be in the mood for trying on clothes, i have to be feeling cute and not feeling bloated.

I walk around the entire store picking out all the outfits I am interested in, in my size and one size bigger. Then I take my huge collection of clothes to the dressing room and try everything on. As I try on each article of clothing I divide them into three piles, which are: 1-love it, will buy it 2-maybe 3-heck no. Some fit better than others and I begin to question everything in life each time something does not fit. Then I scrutinize my maybe pile, deciding what I will actually buy.

Finally I make my way to the register, checking out earrings, purses, shoes and underwear. I check out and leave. Total time there, at least an hour.

Once home, I spend several days searching through websites for more clothes and sometimes I order, sometimes I don’t.

All in all, I enjoyed my guy shopping experience! 😊😊

July 4th, 2016

Happy July 4th everyone!!

I was having a not so great day since I missed my workout this morning but I enjoyed relaxing throughout the day. This evening I went to a new place in Newark, NJ to pick up a turkey burger and what my sister ordered (she paid – YESSSSS!!!!). As I went into the restaurant there was an African American man with a sign that said “I’m a hungry vet”. When I came out it was raining and something made me stop and talk to him. I asked if he had eaten and he replied no. I asked if he would be interested in me buying him a meal from the restaurant. He said yes. I went into the restaurant with him I gave him the menu after asking quietly if he could read. He said yes and asked if he could have ribs, rice and beans. I ordered it and as we waited I talked to him. Turns out that his name is Anthony, he is a vet and was in the military for 12 years. He is going through a divorce and now has a heart condition that he was told that he could go on disability for. I told him that I will pray for him and hopefully his life will get better. I got the food, handed it to him, shook hands with him and wished him the best. He was a good person.

Meeting Anthony today made me greatful for all the things I have. I have my health, a roof over my head, loving family and my cats.

To all the Anthony’s out there, thank you for your service!

And for everyone going through something, it will get better just hold on!!